I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
