remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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