it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
