i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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