I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize