Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
