If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
