K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wish there were birth control emojis
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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