First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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