he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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