Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
