she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
BRING THE BAGELS
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
