if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
