I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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