My nipple is on Facebook.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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