the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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