He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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