as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
