I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
