Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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