She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
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he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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