who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
