How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
