My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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