oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
