I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
