I cannot find my penis.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
