you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
