four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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