i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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