just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
