feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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