i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
