last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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