the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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