I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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