Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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