Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
