Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
my liver is dry heaving
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
