I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Found your dick twin last night
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
