How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
