I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
