I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
