Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
