Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
