The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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