the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
