so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Drake has all the answers
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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