By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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