So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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