you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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