I think my vagina is haunted
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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