Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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