he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
