I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
