): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
