I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
