at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
