I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
