mondays should just be called national damage control day
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Boobs are out for the taking
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
