I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
