shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
