THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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