Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
