I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
