I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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