all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
