i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
