How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
